How a depressed middle-aged man overcame his ‘worthlessness’…and achieved wellness

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”…Carl Jung

All’s well that ends…. in the well-being of emotions.

Wellness is a libertarian word that actually takes you beyond the body…….and then…. Brings you back into the body … but this time with a difference.

This transition process of going away from the body and coming back to it, probably, represents your wellness quotient.

Well, well, well…let me say it aloud. Wellness is a word that represents your striving for ‘perfect’ health…..which means a unity of body, mind and emotions.

A striving for wellness starts from un-wellness, which we are easily endowed with ;in the forms of sadness, pain, suffering, conflict, dissatisfaction, stress, lethargy….feeling like a ‘victim’ of circumstances.

Well, who started the distinction in the first place…..

Not long ago, a good 47 years back, I went to school where I learnt the ‘principles’ of education, was taught to think consciously in a structured way, learnt the social rules of living(by default) .

I was taught to think consciously, logically learnt the social rules of living, having ‘periods’ of chemistry, geography & physics , to learn the ropes of life ……….

Balanced it with adequate doses of music, sports, body building, games, hobbies, traveling, love making, drinking, and fun with friends.

Very soon I started placing prestigious norms of achievements as my agenda number one. My un-wellness had started taking shape in a ‘healthy’ spirit of competitive rivalry.

I valued myself on par with the grades I got in academics… and not the joy I got in the play-fields…. playing my daily dose of Tennis & Football.

I had replaced joy with the thoughts of achievement (money making moves – Triple M syndrome).

The leaves and fruit of the tree had taken precedence over the roots. Both coexist, but which comes first?

Roots (emotions) don’t come first but their wellbeing is surely a priority for the branches, leaves and fruits (the body). So, that’s what wellness is all about. Being aware of our roots (our emotions and spirit) and nurturing them.

At some time or the other we have all wanted to change our thinking, quit a habit, or an uncomfortable feeling? We all wished we were different, whether it was lack of motivation, a short temper, a desire for more success, to be comfortable with oneself, overcome isolation, fight injustice…….

Let me now narrate my story…that was dismal…to say the least!

I started as a reveler to the hilt and nourished my ‘roots’ of emotions with fertilizers of all kinds – rich manure (genuine love), artificial ‘pleasure filled’ fertilizers like music, sex, pesticides and chemicals …. I became obsessed with ‘roots’ with little or no thought for the branches and the leaves, hence, little or no fruits…. Leading to near extinction in the ‘survival of fittest’ jungle that we live in

My mind was growing sick with negative emotions of all kinds – fear, vindictiveness, jealousy, no perseverance, self-inflicted pain & suffering , inability to take a stand for myself… or against in justice, over evaluative ness, procrastination (let me enjoy good time today for tomorrow will be tough – will be seen), depression, suicidal thoughts, imaginative visions, beggarly thinking, no self – esteem, indecisiveness, poor practical sense, preaching from elevated pedestal (so spiritual that the body was depraved) and a few more that I dare not remember.

Too strained, tensed, stressed, effortful by the forced existence of daily grind ---- that my conflicts grounded me by way of cramps in legs, constant headaches, body aches, weak digestion, and infected teeth. .. My sick emotions were showing up in my body….

All my earlier known intellect driven theories of wellness stirred and said, “ you b______, you claimed that ‘All of the Body is in the mind but not all of the mind is in the body’, ‘self-healing’ ‘all disease first starts in the mind and if not attended to leads to conversion in the body parts to become noticed’.

My emotions started making fun of me ….of my earlier self-styled status!

But …one day…I said…Enough is enough!

Its not that I had not tried to change earlier.

I had done so by making resolutions, picking up books on self-help, after a few months replacing them by another set of theories and philosophies…

But I was a failure….The harder I tried and redoubled my efforts in consciously changing my lifestyle, weight loss programs, making money etc…It rebounded.

Then…I took over my well being in my own hands …as I should have done when I had started going to school…… but maybe I had too many lessons to learn before I could tread on the real road of seeing my body as a unified mind – intellect – emotions entity.

Wellness is an automatic extension of changing your software of thinking patterns, your belief systems…

Making a resolution is not enough…The first dramatic step in the road to wellness is to create an imaginative entity of yourself which is your idealized self after you have become successful, well, healthy whatever….Create, visualize the perfect you who has achieved all that you set out to do, the way you would appear if you got all the success you wanted in all forms.

This picture of yourself must be vivid in all its details, the color of the shirt, the face, its glow, hair style, gait, way of talking, meeting people …..All the typical nuances….hearing what others are saying to this new ‘you’ etc. etc.

Kind of creating a character for a film called ‘me in perfect wellness’!

Write, talk, imagine, see in mirror …but finally do create this perfect you…

In the process you will face very debilitating blockages from your own thinking. When I did this I had severe mental blocks and doubts…fight them…

But gradually… I STARTED BEING PULLED BY THIS ENTITY OF MINE THAT I CREATED AS THE HEALTHY ME…and day by day I consciously started getting into his skin…my wellness had started..

Another fact I realized was that earlier, I was complaining all the time for what I did not have…now I started paying my thanksgiving dues to my creator for giving me this life and the opportunity to fulfill my potential….

I started paying gratitude for my morning cup of tea, my daily shaving experience, touching my clothes, my cramps, the yoghurt, the chat with my friends, listening to music…for everything .

THE REST ….Simply JUST HAPPENED ….

NOW MY VIEWS ARE BEING RESPECTED…. LIVING IS NO LONGER A RITUAL BUT A DAILY PRAYER..WOW…

I took a decision to take charge of my life/body/destiny… to turn the tables against my self-depreciative tendencies. The attacks I made were not brutal, but showered with love for myself, appreciative of my talents, abilities, removal of both intellectual and monetary tags, a diet of shirshasana (yoga technique called ‘head stand’),deep breathing, pranayama, other yoga exercises, morning walks, buying good clothes for myself, regular oil massage ,appreciative of the good things of others, humming songs, watching my type of comedy shows, daring to laugh without being conscious, taking guidance from right sources, ingraining my natural love for people in my work

My results came out positive not because of what I achieved but because I enjoyed doing the activities that led to the results.

My impersonator ego or the image of goody-goody Samaritan was my stumbling block (my ‘hall of fame’ view of myself) and now being replaced by an image of myself that matches my aspirations more accurately (I even changed my signatures) , this fifty two year old young guy now is , as if, freshly out of college. He now walks and talks fearlessly, seeking prosperity not merely by earning money but by spreading the joy of togetherness …of creating wealth-------- to make my tree – my body blossom !.

A S M

“Man improves himself as he follows his path; if he stands still, waiting to improve before he makes a decision, he’ll never move”… Paulo Coelho